The family’s functional status predictably affects its
ability to respond to the changes it experiences. Optimally functioning
families have clear boundaries between the generations. Parent-child
alliances, such as a father-daughter coalition against the mother,
are not tolerated. Rules are clear and communication is open. If
there is a boundary violation or a breach of a rule, it is addressed
openly and quickly and the issues rectified. Any rule that prevents
communication, such as “We don’t talk about that in
our family,” will lead to significant dysfunction. In well-functioning
families, the extended family and kinship systems (biological family or
family by choice) support autonomous decision making. The physical
and emotional needs of all members are respected, and problem solving
occurs in an open and generous manner. However, the principle of
hierarchical boundaries is not abrogated: The family is not a democracy
but rather a benevolent dictatorship, where the parents listen to
the children’s thoughts and feelings, taking them into
account as appropriate. Nevertheless, the ultimate decision occurs
at the parental level. Optimally functioning families represent
an ideal that occurs in perhaps 5% of cases. The “good-enough” family
(reflective of the majority of families) do an adequate job in meeting the
needs of the children. It is also important to remember that all
individuals, including the children, may provide strengths and vulnerabilities
that affect the family function. The behavioral style (temperament)
of the typically developing child is an important predictor of the
goodness of fit in the family constellation.4